Beware Of Assumptions
By Dr. William Lampton
Just four months after graduate school, I was surprised my dissertation director, Dr. Paul Boase of Ohio University, was calling me. We exchanged greetings, then reached the purpose of the call.
"I have a nice surprise for you. I've learned that the fellowship you held included payment for typing of your dissertation. We can arrange reimbursement if you'll send receipts."
"Send them? I'd hand-deliver them if necessary. I like this surprise! How long will the process take?"
"Shouldn't be long. The financial aid office is set to process your request. I predict a quick turnaround."
Two weeks later, the words quick turnaround seemed to repeat themselves mockingly, especially during the trips I made to my faculty mailbox with increasing frequency.
At the end of the third week, my tolerance for time expired. If you've ever awaited a sizable check in the mail, you empathize with my feelings. A time or two, I dreamed the envelope had made its way to the box.
I picked up the phone, dialed, asked for Dr. Boase. "He's not here now. Want to leave a message?"
"Yes, I do," making sure I maintained an even tone. "Please let him know I called to ask about the status of my refund check."
"Sure," she promised.
Heading for lunch, I felt relieved. Just hearing the familiar voice of his secretary helped. He'd understand my concern. With his characteristic courtesy, he'd reply, probably today.
An hour later, I bent to peer into box number eleven. Good, a phone message, on a pink slip covered by Elise's unmistakable handwriting. I pulled out the message page, and read:
TELL DR. LAMPTON I DIDN'T KNOW HE IS SO GREEDY
I read the note a second time. The words had not changed. I did, though. My face reddened, a tightness gripped my throat. Lowering my head, I walked around the corner to my office. Shutting and locking the door, I glared at the note again. These thoughts came to me, almost audibly:
"I thought I handled the matter tactfully. Where did I go wrong?"
"Our relationship was so special. He was more than a professor and mentor. He was a friend and supporter. Now I've lost all that."
"What now? Will I still get the money?"
"Will he accept my apology? But for what?"
"It's doubly embarrassing because Elise took the message. Maybe she has spread word around the office."
The more I thought, the bleaker the scene became. I dreaded carrying this bad news home. But I couldn't go home yet. Two afternoon classes to direct. Students must have seen my distraction. Afterwards, I made the office my sanctuary for brooding.
Suddenly, a revelation came. I was not interpreting the phone call, I was reacting to a report of the phone call--indirect evidence. Funny, as a faculty member in communication I urged students to go beyond content to evaluate intent. I had failed to do that.
Marching to Elise's office at twice my normal pace, I was glad to find her alone.
"Elise, I have your note about the call from Dr. Boase. This one," handing the page to her.
"Yes, I remember the call, earlier today."
"Well, Elise, I need your help. I'm not trying to put you on the spot, believe me. But this is important. How did he sound when he mentioned me being greedy?"
"Sound?"
"Right, sound. Was he upset, did you catch a sign of hostility?"
Her pause increased my suspense. When she laughed, I detected no sarcasm. She kept laughing as she answered, "Oh, just the opposite. He was laughing hard. Must have a real good sense of humor."
"So he was just kidding me?"
"Absolutely! Sorry you weren't around to take his call. You'd have laughed, too, I'm sure."
As I thanked her and turned to leave, she added: "He said they mailed your check today."
Incredible! Because of a misguided assumption, I had let my imagination run amuck. The negative thinking which resulted made me question the most important professional relationship I had experienced. Equally as damaging, I pictured the end of a friendship. In almost paranoid fashion, I forecasted the loss of money which was rightfully mine.
My considerable anguish taught an unforgettable lesson: Beware of assumptions!
Check them out. Draw inferences from facts, not supposition. Verify presumptions before deciding and acting.
True, we can rely on some assumptions--those we base on oft-repeated interactions.
When you have any doubt at all, though, search for verification.
Dr. Boase, I'm glad you chuckled when you called me greedy.
Copyright, Dr. William Lampton, 1999. Excerpted from his book, The Complete Communicator: Change Your Communication, Change Your Life! (Hillsboro Press, 800-321-5692)
Dr. William Lampton is a speaker, seminar leader, and author. He may be reached at 800-393-0114 or send e-mail to drbill@commlampton.com For additional information, visit his Web site at www.commlampton.com
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